The One that Could Have Been

You’re leaving and
I’m left wondering
what could have been.
As you walk away
the tears run down my face
and all I want to do is
ask you to stay.
But we both have
dreams to pursue.
Why do they have to be in
different countries? Why did I meet
such an amazing guy
just to be torn apart?
I wished for you, and
now I found you.
If only for a
brief moment. You’re the
one I’ll tell
stories about. The one that
could have been.

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One Tree Hill

Through the years I’ve made it through
the tough times.
But I didn’t do it alone.
Wednesday nights at eight and
reruns helped
me through.
Haley’s songs calmed me.
Lucas and Peyton
made me hope.
Brooke made me believe in
my dreams.
Quinn showed me how to say
goodbye to someone I love.
Then Quinn and Clay
made me look to the future.
Whenever I feel lost I
turn to One Tree Hill,
but the people who
have helped me through all these
years are gone.
They said goodbye to
Tree Hill
and I’m still lost, in
need of guidance.
So much is ending
in my life.
I want One Tree Hill to
hold on to.

A Letter to Love

Love, I’ve waited for you
since I was a little girl.
I put myself out there
when I was a teenager.
You broke my heart.
I kept trying
to find you.

Then one day a boy gave
me his heart and I
gave mine back.
Then I vowed to love this boy
for the rest of our lives.
He destroyed that bond.

Love, why are you
so cruel?
You want us to keep giving
our hearts away in hopes of one day
finding you,
only to lose you and give
us pain.

Are you even
worth it?
I’ve shed too many tears on my
pursuit to find you.
I had to fight for my dreams
and lose you.

Love, I’ve given up
on you.
No more will I give
my heart away
on false hopes.
Love, you’re not out
there for me.
You’ll have to sell your fairy tale
to someone else.

Mastering Figure Eights

Figure eights are the fundamentals of figure skating.

I step out onto the ice,
with freshly sharpened blades
and I cannot move.

I still remember
how to do spins and jumps,
I just can’t get my body to remember.
My balance is off
and I cannot gracefully glide.
I look like an amateur
slightly stumbling.

I must find my edges again
and curve circles.
I must find my center
again while spinning.

I must start with the scratch spins
and single jumps
then move up
to the laybacks and doubles.

I skate around
too nervous to attempt a double.
There’s five minutes left.
It’s now or never.

I turn,
pick goes in
and I’m in the air.
I land on my butt
with smile on my face.

Missing Laybacks and Double Loops

I

I step onto the ice
and skate to my mark.
Don’t fall, don’t screw
up; remember to keep
my arm in front
before takeoff
on the double loop.

Music begins and I’m off moving
from one element to the next
as gracefully as I can.
One landed jump
there and one completed spin
here. Double loop landed. Phew.
I take my curtsey.

I want to get back out there.
I wish I had enjoyed
the feel of the ice while it lasted.
November shows with skating stars
like Peggy Fleming and Trovill and Dean,
and Sunday mornings just for fun.
Jessica, Megan, Kristina, and I use to
practice, eat lunch, and shop together.

II

My biggest regret
was never going back.

I was in high school and wanted
to try new things.
Like acting classes with Monologues from Go.
You get this box, you’re sure your know what’s inside
of it, you shake it, you weigh it, you’re total convinced
you have it pegged, no doubt in your mind.
Then you open it up and it’s completely different.
You know, wow, bang, surprise.

This didn’t compare to the feeling
you get when you’re on the ice.
There’s a high you feel
when you’ve accomplished another difficult jump
or combination jump or spin.
Like double lutz or flying camel, sit spin.

The rush you feel when you jump
up in the air—keep your body tight
then land on one foot
and pull your left leg out behind you.

You can perform your routine
and make the audience
ooh and aw over the simplest of moves.
A spiral or step sequence makes the audience
cheer more than any double axel can.

III

I was on my way to the Olympics.
Why did I give up?

It was a community of aspiring
champions and we pushed
each other.
No double, double was too difficult
with friends rooting you on.

We all had the same gold medal dream;
it was just a matter of how far
we were willing to go.

One friend’s parents’ wouldn’t allow
her to skate with lower level
girls, in fear of hurting her chances.
At that point I was no longer invited
to her birthday parties.
She was only my best friend.

Most skaters moved on and never reached the top.
One fellow skater touched Olympic
ice last year. He did not medal,
but his ambition had been realized.

He had done what I had given
up. I pushed my self to the limits
of a broken foot and over rotated jumps.
I was too afraid to continue.
My coach had left. I
no longer had anyone
to help me reach the flame.

True Love

The one
is a myth.
He does not
exist.
He’s just a
bedtime story,
a fairy tale.
He’s in movies
like The Notebook.
If the one was
a reality,
I wouldn’t be alone.
Don’t tell me I haven’t
found him yet,
because that would
be a lie.
If the one exists,
he would not cheat.
He would not try to
make you give up
your dreams.
And this is why I know,
the one is a myth.

Cat’s Night Out

 

 

 

 

 

I noticed the screened door
Open one night.
I decided to take
A stroll outside.
My person never lets me
Go outside.
There are a million smells
I have noticed from an open door
Or the inside of this cage.
It’s cruel to let me smell
And not let me investigate.

Walking down the street,
I came across two cats.
“Who are you?”
One asked.
The other hissed.
I hissed back.

They slowly approached me.
“Go back to your street now,
We won’t tell you again,” the second cat hissed.
I held my chin high.

The two cats attacked me.
Biting at my neck,
A claw just missed my eye.
I tried to fight
back, but I have no front claws.
They had me outnumbered.
All of a sudden barking emerged.
The two cats screamed “Dog”,
And ran away.

I hobbled back to the screen door,
Still open.
I went to my person’s window
And cried
And cried.
Now I know why she never
Lets me out.